7 tactful tips to give advice without cruelty: how to avoid being “Haram Police”

7 tactful tips to give advice without cruelty: how to avoid being “Haram Police”

People who act as “haram police” are perhaps not aware that their language is exceedingly harsh, and that this detracts from the intention of their message. Since the Qur’an advises us to “speak nicely to people” (2:83), here are some ways that can help you be kinder towards your fellow Muslims when giving them advice.

1. Be gentle not judgemental

So basically you see a sister or a brother doing something wrong and you feel like preventing them, so you end up using the harshest words possible. Wait! The harsher you get and the more judgemental you sound, the less easily you are understood. Benevolence in words and graciousness in tone are essential.

2. Respect opinions

We all have opinions, and we all want our opinions to be heard and respected. So the next time someone gives an opinion you don’t agree with, respect the fact that everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

3. Place yourself in their shoes

We all know how rollicking and amusing it can be to judge others. But have you ever placed yourself in the shoes of the person who is being judged by you, or who is the target of your heart-rending remarks? Trust me on this one: try it and you will think a million times before sounding off.

4. Look at the world with optimism

Haram police miss the fact everyone has the capacity to improve. People might act today in a way that they will repent tomorrow. Instead of branding others with a label, remember that people improve every single day – yourself included.

5. Practise before you preach

It’s vital for us to be truthful before we lecture someone on being a liar. In fact, we should be impeccable if we want to preach someone on what to do and what not to do. When you pick on someone’s blemishes, they will naturally point back to you. So fix yourself first, because life’s too short to hate on others and not work on ourselves.

6. Advise in private

If you are advising someone in public, then that is called humiliation. If you genuinely want to suggest something better, then do it in private. You will not only gain the admiration of the person you are advising, but you will also feel gratified for doing it kindly.

7. Remember that humans are not perfect

We all make mistakes and we all try to justify our own errors. Therefore, we should also remember that the other person is not faultless just like us and that we should also make room for their errors.